1 00:00:01,042 --> 00:00:02,210 [jazz music playing] 2 00:00:02,293 --> 00:00:04,295 So I said, "If a robot can feel pain, 3 00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:05,547 I’m gonna make him feel pain." 4 00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:06,798 I totally get that. 5 00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,508 Why am I carrying all the bags? 6 00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:09,926 [clears throat] 7 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,428 [British accent] Welcome home, sir. 8 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:13,722 Thank you, polite intruder. 9 00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,348 I’m gonna shoot you now. 10 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,809 And you are welcome to do so, sir. 11 00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:20,103 I am Aleister, your new valet. 12 00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:22,355 Surprise! [laughs] We picked him for you 13 00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:25,191 after a trial by fire. And lasers. 14 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,527 And now, these bags are his problem. 15 00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,904 You are aware that all my other valets 16 00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:32,449 were spectacular failures, right? 17 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,659 Two are still in the hospital. One. 18 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:36,995 They moved Cornelius to a hospice. 19 00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:39,873 Perhaps a drink will help us break the ice. 20 00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:41,041 A daiquiri? 21 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,751 Uh, one chance to impress, 22 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,919 and you’re going with the drink of sad writers 23 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:46,588 and stupid teenagers? 24 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,132 Holy shit. That is good. 25 00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:52,969 Good? I’d swim in this! 26 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:55,555 I’ll fill the tub. And then fill me. 27 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,974 With drinks. Or, you know, whatever. 28 00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,642 Will there be anything else, sir? 29 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,227 Do you know who you’re replacing? 30 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:04,355 Woodhouse. The greatest, most subservient valet 31 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:07,108 to ever shuffle his weary frame across this planet. 32 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:10,320 Do you think you can outshine him in being abused by me? 33 00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:12,363 I welcome your evaluation, sir. 34 00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:13,948 Okay. Favorite grade of cashmere? 35 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,950 Grade A sheared Mongolian goat. 36 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,410 How would you press a tweed suit? 37 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:18,787 I’d press it into a trash can. 38 00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:20,330 How should I rub sand into your eyes 39 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:21,539 for maximum discomfort? 40 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,291 Excellent question, sir. 41 00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:25,877 Start coarse, moving to finer grits, 42 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:29,881 ending with the black sands of Vík í Myrdal, Iceland. 43 00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:32,967 Dang. Beach knowledge. 44 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,761 Carol, don’t interrupt the test. 45 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,388 Time for the final exam. A gentlemen’s duel. 46 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,808 Really feels like you’re moving the goalposts. [chuckles] 47 00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:41,643 I’ll do my best, sir. 48 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:43,311 Ha! Parry. Parry. Riposte! 49 00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:44,896 Capital defense. [grunts] 50 00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:47,857 Sloppy balestra. You call that a coupé? 51 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,484 No. I call it a coulé. 52 00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:52,654 Ha, touché. And touché. 53 00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:55,782 You guys, look! It’s like we’re dancing! 54 00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:57,242 Yeah. Weird. 55 00:01:58,326 --> 00:01:59,828 [dramatic music playing] 56 00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,329 -[knee cracks] -[Archer groans] 57 00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:02,455 [gasps] 58 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,623 Aha! 59 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,751 Wow. Aleister, you’re hired. 60 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,461 Thank you, sir. 61 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,964 You would’ve had me if it had not been for the leg. 62 00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:13,591 I can suggest some rehabilitation exercises. 63 00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:14,759 I’d... 64 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:16,636 I’d like that. 65 00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:19,264 Should we leave? 66 00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,391 [inhales] I’m staying. 67 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,140 Y’all! My cover was blown! 68 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:05,810 I made it into the jungle, but it’s only a matter of time before my-- 69 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,478 Attention. Attention, please. 70 00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:08,897 [Krieger] I wanted to see him die! 71 00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:11,316 Come on! It was just getting good! 72 00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:13,401 What? Ray dying in Africa? 73 00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:14,819 For the love of God! 74 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,738 Cheryl, call Ray back. Now? 75 00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,366 Ugh! Fine. Good. Now, back to me. 76 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,660 Is anyone else worried about Ray? 77 00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:25,622 Is anyone else worried about how Cyril is constantly in the office? 78 00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,916 Hey. I broke my arm on a mission. 79 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:30,835 I’ll break the other one if you don’t shut up for my announcement. 80 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:34,339 Okay. I found the valet who will serve me until my, 81 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,007 or more likely his, death. 82 00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:39,135 Wait. So you’re not looking for a valet anymore? 83 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,720 [clicks tongue] Excuse me. 84 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,556 [dramatic music plays] 85 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,267 Gentlemen... it’s been an honor. 86 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,853 -[powering down] -[water flushing] 87 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,897 He cleans like ten valets, 88 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:54,359 he rearranged my entire closet in a way that makes sense, 89 00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:58,238 and I made him eat a bag of potting soil as a test and he was like, 90 00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,281 [as Aleister] "Shall I open another bag, sir?" 91 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:02,158 What is that accent? 92 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,203 Sounds like Boston to me. Or a speech impediment. 93 00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:07,163 It’s a normal British voice, all right? 94 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,498 I don’t do it that well. 95 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:09,999 [normal voice] Aleister, get in here 96 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,584 and show them your normal British voice. 97 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,127 Sir. That’s my guy. 98 00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,462 Guy, gang. 99 00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:15,755 Gang, guy. 100 00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,507 Don’t bother trying to look him in the eye. 101 00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:21,094 He’s an expert at averting his gaze. Aleister, avert! 102 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:24,847 And can we revert to Ray? Seriously, is he okay? 103 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,266 Probably. Not. 104 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:27,976 For your leg, sir. 105 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,186 I brought your rehabilitation bands to the office 106 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,230 since I know you’ll lose all interest at home. 107 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:34,274 He knows my foibles! 108 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,025 There’s about 30 guys. 109 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,695 They got these crazy fish boning knives. 110 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,238 -[switches off] -Damn it, Sterling! 111 00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:41,823 Oh, I forgot the best part. 112 00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,658 Aleister can make Eggs Woodhouse. 113 00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:46,703 Maybe we should focus on Ray being gutted in the jungle. 114 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,622 Maybe we should focus on your obvious jealousy of Aleister. 115 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,207 -[bean bag fires] -[grunts] 116 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,626 Wow. I honestly didn’t know it could do that. 117 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,004 I took the liberty of installing the bean bag round 118 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:58,047 as a nonlethal office alternative. 119 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:01,634 Ha-ha! Nonlethal violence is my second favorite kind! 120 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,761 Enough! Cyril, go rescue Ray! 121 00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,471 His legs are valuable tech. 122 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:08,975 Oh, I would love to fight 30 men with weird knives, 123 00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:11,019 but, gosh darn it, I am out of commission. 124 00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:13,104 Yeah. When did you break your arm? 125 00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:14,647 On the last mission? 126 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,524 No. I was on that mission. 127 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:20,236 I broke it right at the end, after you finished missioning. 128 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,156 Fine. Sterling, go rescue Ray. 129 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:26,034 Not possible, Mother. I’m still breaking in Aleister. 130 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:29,037 The first two weeks are crucial for establishing dominance. 131 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,748 Give me the jet and I’ll rescue him. Done. 132 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:35,501 And I never even named a beneficiary on my life insurance. 133 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,837 So more recovery than rescue. 134 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,173 At least that beach behind him looks nice. 135 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:46,220 Oh, does no one in this office know how to finish a sandwich? 136 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:49,098 It would be my pleasure to clean out your refrigerator, ma’am. 137 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,433 Phrasing? 138 00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:53,686 Oh, Aleister! Nice to see you again. 139 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,438 Please, allow me. 140 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,523 No, I couldn’t. Really? 141 00:05:57,607 --> 00:06:00,943 You don’t strike me as a woman who can’t do things. 142 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:05,323 Oh, Aleister! [giggles] You’re bad. 143 00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:07,742 Am I interrupting something? 144 00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:09,494 I am honestly not sure. 145 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:12,663 Not at all, sir. Would you like to squeeze this lemon into my eyes? 146 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:15,208 Uh, love where your head is at Aleister, but later. 147 00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:18,711 Right now, I need you to reload my cane. Right away, sir. 148 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:21,339 Ma’am, a pleasure. Likewise. 149 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:24,592 In terms of pleasure. Okay, Mother. 150 00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:27,178 I’ll only ask this incredibly traumatic question once. 151 00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:29,263 Are you into Aleister? 152 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,974 Don’t be absurd! He’s your valet. 153 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:36,020 And yes, he’s handsome, and I’m a woman with powerful needs-- 154 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:38,731 Mother, it’s okay. Stop. I mean, gross. 155 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:41,109 But you’re right. The man is perfect. 156 00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:42,902 You’d have to be insane not to want him to-- 157 00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:45,947 Clean out your refrigerator? 158 00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:48,950 [Pam] Absolutely! Look at that grip. 159 00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:50,952 He could twist a pineapple in half. 160 00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:54,205 But he’s a gross servant, and it’s totally forbidden. 161 00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:55,915 [whispering] Is how I’d get things going. 162 00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:57,917 Can I help you, ladies? 163 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,087 Just keep doing what you’re doing, Aleister. 164 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,505 [typing] 165 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,090 Since you’re not going on the mission, 166 00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:05,508 you can handle my paperwork. 167 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,969 But this is, like, eight missions’ worth. 168 00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:10,263 Fine. You can go get stabbed in a jungle. 169 00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:12,014 It’ll be done when you’re back. 170 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:15,309 But let it be known that I’m not happy about it. 171 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,520 -[intercom beeps] -[Krieger] Lana, to the Situation Room! 172 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:19,355 If you’re free. 173 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:23,109 Oh, office work. Can’t get hurt by you. 174 00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:24,527 [groans] 175 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,446 Sorry! Just testing the range! 176 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,031 Aleister, reload me. Don’t reload him! 177 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,616 [both grunting] 178 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,286 Holy shit, Aleister. What was that? 179 00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:37,707 A technique from my old employer, General Bernard Montgomery. 180 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,375 You knew the Spartan General? 181 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,211 [laughs] Old Monty. Yes. 182 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,963 He also enjoyed his Manhattans. 183 00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:46,424 Will you take yours in your office, sir? 184 00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:48,092 Oh, I don’t have an office. 185 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:50,470 I used to, but it just kept blowing up. 186 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,346 You do now. 187 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:55,308 I took the liberty of repurposing an unused storage space. 188 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,810 With your mother’s approval, of course. Seriously? 189 00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,480 Cyril, did you just hear that? I have an office! 190 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,440 Cyril! Cyril! Cyril! 191 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:03,608 What? 192 00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,276 I have an office. 193 00:08:05,359 --> 00:08:06,986 [Krieger] In Fiji! 194 00:08:07,069 --> 00:08:09,572 So? So, what is Ray’s tracking chip 195 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,073 doing in the Pacific 196 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,201 if his body is dying in an African jungle? 197 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:14,952 I don’t know. Maybe they removed the chip. 198 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,245 That’s what I thought too. 199 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:19,040 But his secret second tracker is also in Fiji, 200 00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:21,584 and that can’t be removed without killing the host. 201 00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:24,837 What? Maybe someone can. I certainly can’t. 202 00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,881 Anyway, I thought I’d tell Ms. Archer. 203 00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:29,050 No! No, no, no. Uh, don’t worry about it. 204 00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,093 Don’t worry about Ray’s trackers 205 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:34,388 being on the opposite side of the world from where we think he is? 206 00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:37,141 Can you keep a secret? 207 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,060 Did an entire breed of Chilean llamas 208 00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:41,062 go extinct two months ago? 209 00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:43,773 I don’t know? 210 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:45,525 Exactly! 211 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:48,653 -[jazz music playing] -[Archer cackling] 212 00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:50,404 What I always wanted. 213 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:53,241 Minus the bookshelf. Seems like a missed opportunity. 214 00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:55,034 In that case, you might enjoy 215 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:57,828 Mr. Boston’s Bartender Guide. 216 00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:01,749 Ah! It’s whimsically practical! 217 00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:05,086 Forget about the lemon going in your eyes. Put it in the cocktail. 218 00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:07,213 I’m gonna go get Cyril so he can see 219 00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:10,007 how much his office sucks next to mine. 220 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,300 Very good, sir. 221 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,552 Oh, and hey... 222 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,220 I love you, Aleister. 223 00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:15,763 And I you, sir. 224 00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:17,890 [jazz music continues] 225 00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:20,476 -[beeping] -[eerie music plays] 226 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:24,814 I have infiltrated the agency and achieved absolute trust. 227 00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:28,442 The target will be dead in 24 hours. 228 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:29,694 [squishing] 229 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,491 Hello, Aleister. 230 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,702 Did you really think you could get away with it? 231 00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:40,496 Sir? You’ve got a secret. 232 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,332 You added something incredible to my Eggs Woodhouse! 233 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,085 That would be the Hungarian paprika, sir. 234 00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:47,587 For an extra kick. 235 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,589 Ha! An amazing kick! 236 00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:51,257 All right. I’m off to the office 237 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:52,842 now that it’s got all the good booze. 238 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:55,136 Uh, sir? I thought I might prepare 239 00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:58,431 my speciality tonight, Steak Aleister. 240 00:09:58,514 --> 00:09:59,932 If you make it home. 241 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,309 Oh, I’ll be here. 242 00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:03,352 And if I’m not, heh, I’m probably dead. 243 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,563 Oh. [laughs] Very good, sir. 244 00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:07,231 -[elevator bell dings] -And his smile. 245 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,774 It just lights up my whole day. 246 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,818 Hey, do you like my tie? Aleister picked it. 247 00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:13,029 So is it gonna shoot me or just electrocute me? 248 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,947 Not everything is about you, Cyril. 249 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,074 I deserve safety in my workplace. 250 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,035 -[explosion] -[yelps] 251 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:22,038 Was that an explosion? Yeah. Of my schedule. 252 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:24,081 I bet Aleister is good at elevator repair. 253 00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,126 The phone’s dead. The elevator’s broken. 254 00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:28,919 But the phone runs on a separate line. 255 00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,838 It’s part of the intricate series of fail-safes 256 00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:32,256 built into modern elevators. 257 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:34,133 [gasps] This is sabotage! 258 00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,218 -[metallic creaking] -[shrieks] 259 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,721 Yeah. Again, of my schedule. 260 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,723 [grunts] 261 00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:43,476 Is the primary driving rope threaded through the car sheave? 262 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,853 Oh, my God. Cool it, Alexander Miles. 263 00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:47,438 I’m just trying to save our lives! 264 00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:49,231 Well, try it without showing off. 265 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,400 Is the elevator cable okay? 266 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,652 Was that so hard? 267 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,654 Oh. Also, no. 268 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:57,073 Jump or die in a box, Cyril. 269 00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,157 Jeezy Pete! 270 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,325 [grunts] 271 00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:01,911 [elevator crashes] 272 00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,413 [elevator bell dings] 273 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:08,042 Oh, crap. We’re only on the third floor? 274 00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:09,877 Lost them over the waterfall, 275 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,712 but my left leg is all messed up, 276 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:14,548 and I just spent three hours in a spider-filled ditch-- 277 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:15,633 -[Lana] Ray! -What? 278 00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:16,801 Krieger knows. 279 00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:18,052 Oh. 280 00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:19,470 -[slurping] -[tropical music plays] 281 00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:20,971 So, when are you guys getting here? 282 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,557 ETA at the resort is six hours. 283 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,351 I’ll keep the mais tied for you. 284 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,603 And, lady, you can’t just drop a towel on a chair 285 00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:29,313 and be gone for hours. 286 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:33,359 A fake rescue mission as cover for a secret vacation. 287 00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:35,653 It’s just like the good old days. 288 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,863 And I hate it. But, God, I need a break. 289 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,782 Ever since Archer came back, things have been... 290 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,575 [sighs] ...weird with Robert. 291 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,536 Aw, trouble in billionaire-adise? 292 00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:46,747 No, hey, no! I love being married. It’s just that-- 293 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,625 He’s constantly telling me how to handle Archer, and I’m like, 294 00:11:49,708 --> 00:11:53,129 "I know how to handle Archer, okay? I handled him for years before I met you, 295 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,423 and maybe, just maybe, I want to complain about the guy 296 00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,591 without you trying to fix it!" 297 00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,469 So this place has bungalows? 298 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,096 And we have to keep it a secret. 299 00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:03,305 -[Pam grunts] -[Cheryl] Ow! 300 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,307 Hey, Lana. Keep what a secret? 301 00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,601 [sighs] The obvious sabotage. 302 00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:08,978 Freak accident. 303 00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:11,313 Elevators kill 27 people a year, Cyril. 304 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,940 That’s more than fireworks. 305 00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:14,984 You seriously believe that there was a spontaneous 306 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,820 simultaneous failure of the primary suspension cable, 307 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,697 the traveling cable, the safety catch, 308 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:22,116 and the car roller guides? Yes? 309 00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,618 There’s explosive residue on the cables, Archer! 310 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,120 It’s a spy agency. 311 00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,581 There’s explosive residue on the coffeepot. 312 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,333 [Cyril] Okay, what’s more likely, 313 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:32,960 that this was a freak accident 314 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:36,005 or that someone wants to kill the world’s most annoying spy? 315 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,757 No one’s trying to kill me. Also, rude people 316 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,968 don’t get to sit in my fancy new guest chair. 317 00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:42,261 Move. 318 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,346 -Whoa! -[glass shatters] 319 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,389 Archer! 320 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,394 I think someone’s trying to kill me. 321 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:51,854 [Lana] What the hell are you doing? 322 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,939 We couldn’t let you do this alone. 323 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,692 If Ray is in trouble, I’m ready to bust some coconuts. 324 00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:59,695 And I can scream so loud my own ears bleed. Watch. [inhales] 325 00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:02,698 No! Nope. Uh, I appreciate the offer. 326 00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:05,409 This mission, it’s just too dangerous. 327 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,536 Oh, God, I just-- I hope Ray doesn’t die 328 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,455 during the time we waste taking you back. 329 00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:10,706 Bula bula! 330 00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,875 Hey, do y’all want the tropical spa package, 331 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,044 ’cause I gotta book that in advance-- 332 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:18,088 Of the enemy closing in on my position! 333 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:20,132 Too dangerous? 334 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,801 Hey. Danger takes many forms. 335 00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:24,887 We thought Ray was maybe dead! 336 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,722 Am I still turning the plane around? 337 00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:31,268 Hell no. Sea salt scrubs and coconut cocktails! 338 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:34,271 [Cyril] How can you be shopping? You nearly died! 339 00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,690 If you hadn’t taken the seat, I probably would’ve died! 340 00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:39,068 Glass half full, my ruined pants give me an excuse 341 00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:40,903 to buy me and Aleister matching suits. 342 00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:42,363 I wonder what color he wants. 343 00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:44,823 We shouldn’t even be out in public. We’re too exposed. 344 00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:47,368 Cyril, no one tries three assassinations in one day. 345 00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,411 It’s unprofessional. Aleister? 346 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,581 -[beeps] -Yes, sir? 347 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,792 I was wondering about your suit preference vis-à-vis color. 348 00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,252 [Aleister] Gun to my head, sir, 349 00:13:56,335 --> 00:14:00,756 my ideal suit is gray, single-vent, three-button. 350 00:14:00,839 --> 00:14:03,342 Hey, man. That’s a great answer. 351 00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:05,678 Thank you. Goodbye, sir. 352 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:07,096 [gunshot] 353 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,389 [horn honks] 354 00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:09,765 [Archer] Get down! [grunts] 355 00:14:09,848 --> 00:14:12,768 -[truck crashing] -[glass shattering] 356 00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:14,311 -[people clamoring] -[Cyril] Huh, wha-- 357 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,939 You said no one attempts an assassination three times in one day! 358 00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:18,566 -Aleister, are you okay? -[gunshots] 359 00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,442 Sounds like you are nearby. Are you in danger? 360 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:21,694 [gunshot] 361 00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:24,572 What if Aleister is the danger? 362 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,615 Aleister? Where are you right now? 363 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,325 [dial tone] 364 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:32,204 Look, it’s great that Archer’s awake. Absolutely. 365 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,831 Hated that coma. But... 366 00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:36,750 Now when I look at him, I see a fragile baby bird. 367 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,837 First I repressed my violent urges, and now they’re out again? 368 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,881 Pick a lane, Cheryl or Carol. 369 00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:44,341 And I flushed four viable men today. 370 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,135 And I’m not ready to talk about it. 371 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,595 And he’s getting in the way 372 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,014 of my great relationship with Robert. 373 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:52,850 Okay, fine. It’s not great. 374 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,685 But sometimes you fake it till you make it. 375 00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,979 Like how Aleister is pretending to be Archer’s butler 376 00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:58,480 so he can kill him? 377 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:02,776 [laughter] 378 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:06,989 In her defense, she thinks all butlers are murderers. 379 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,576 Aleister, I’m home. 380 00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:12,745 Welcome back, sir. I’ve been expecting you. 381 00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:16,916 Yes, I expect you have. My very loyal valet. 382 00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:20,502 I took the liberty of preparing an early meal to calm your nerves. 383 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,671 Steak Aleister. Wow. 384 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:26,800 A delicious meal, prepared fully out of my sight. 385 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:28,928 Perhaps, uh, you’d like to take the first bite. 386 00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,180 Thank you, sir, but it wouldn’t be proper. 387 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,933 Oh, Aleister, it’s proper if I say it is. 388 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,017 Indeed, sir. 389 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:39,688 Mm. Excellent. And now you, sir. 390 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,649 Before it gets cold. 391 00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:44,526 Terrible thing, that shooting at the haberdashery. 392 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,820 Mm, nothing I couldn’t handle. 393 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,074 But I do have one small concern. 394 00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,575 And what’s that, sir? 395 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:54,078 I never told you I was in the haberdashery. 396 00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:55,704 [suspenseful music plays] 397 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:57,456 [gun clicks] 398 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,211 Damn it! You took my secret shotgun? 399 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,046 -And had this floor waxed. -[shotgun cocking] 400 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,173 Wow, looks crazy shiny. 401 00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:15,808 Oh, you know me so well! I hate it! 402 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:17,184 Just doing my job, sir. 403 00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,061 -[knee cracks] -[groans] 404 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:22,773 You haven’t been doing your rehabilitation exercises. Pity. 405 00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:24,566 Good thing I have my cane! 406 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,276 How ironic. 407 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,070 Defeated by the very bean bag round 408 00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:29,738 I made you reload. 409 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,615 -[clicks] -Apologies, sir. 410 00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,910 It seems I forgot to reload that round. 411 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:36,704 [Archer grunts] 412 00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:40,833 [eerie music playing] 413 00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:43,585 Damn it. Why am I not dead? 414 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,379 First you break my heart, 415 00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,589 now you don’t even have the decency to kill me quickly? 416 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,299 Frankly, Aleister, it’s very rude. 417 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,927 I beg your pardon, sir. But I’m not here to kill you. 418 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,263 I’m here to kill the world’s greatest spy. 419 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,806 Yeah, I know, me. 420 00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:58,434 Sterling Archer. Nice to meet/be killed by you. 421 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,687 I wasn’t referring to you. 422 00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:04,773 [Cyril] So is it gonna shoot me or just electrocute me? 423 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:09,194 There’s explosive residue on the cables, Archer! 424 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,531 I was wondering about your suit preference vis-à-vis color. 425 00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:15,242 -Cyril Figgis? -The very same. 426 00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:18,203 He’s managed to elude my more subtle efforts all morning. 427 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,456 -He’s quite cunning. -Cyril Figgis? 428 00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,458 The guy I sometimes stab by accident? 429 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,543 Who I intend to stab on purpose 430 00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,170 once he comes here to rescue you. 431 00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:29,256 -Wait, I’m Cyril bait? -Indeed you are. 432 00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:32,384 He was top agent during your coma. He won’t let you die. 433 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,219 Let me explain something, Aleister. 434 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,096 I create bait, I use bait, 435 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,974 and yes, sometimes I accidentally shoot bait. 436 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:43,062 But I will never be bait for Cyril goddamn Figgis! 437 00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:44,813 [grunts, groans] 438 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,815 [suspenseful music playing] 439 00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,404 And the Steak Aleister was just adequate. 440 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:56,116 Whoo-hoo! Zip line! 441 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,452 [Cyril] Boom goes the personnel health care form. 442 00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:00,621 I’d like to see a regular field agent 443 00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:02,372 fill these out in triplicate. 444 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,708 [Archer, shouting] Cyril! Archer! [chuckles nervously] 445 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,836 What are you doing here after normal business hours? 446 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,380 I’m here during showdown hour. 447 00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:13,634 Okay, is this an honor thing? I’ll just say you have more honor. 448 00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:17,137 No! I need to defeat you in battle to prove I’m the world’s best spy 449 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:18,722 so Aleister will try and kill me. 450 00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:21,975 Aha! So your valet is trying to kill you. 451 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:25,395 Well, right now, he’s trying to kill you. What? 452 00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:28,565 But after I shoot you, he’ll try to kill me. Keep up, Cyril. 453 00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,276 Go get a weapon. I’ve got a gun, so probably a gun. 454 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,362 I’m not gonna shoot you. Why not? 455 00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:36,281 For one thing, it’s wrong. Also, you’ve got a bad leg. 456 00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,699 [gunshot] 457 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,451 Cyril! 458 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:41,662 You’re making this more annoying than it needs to be. 459 00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:43,288 [Cyril] So just don’t shoot me! 460 00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:45,791 If I don’t, Aleister will. 461 00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:49,628 Wouldn’t you rather get shot by someone you know, like me? 462 00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:53,423 Is there a no shooting option? Unfortunately, no. 463 00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:56,468 Pretty sure shooting a coworker is an HR violation! 464 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:57,636 [screams] 465 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,055 [laughs] 466 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,723 Cyril, we were in this elevator 467 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,433 when it exploded, like, two hours ago. 468 00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,060 How do you forget that? 469 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,646 I thought you broke your arm. Well, I didn’t. 470 00:19:07,729 --> 00:19:09,273 I wanted to take a break from missions, 471 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:10,566 and thought I had to hide it. 472 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,234 Good instinct. But you know what? 473 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:13,902 I was good enough in the field 474 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,071 that some assassin thinks I’m the world’s best spy, 475 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,574 which means I can do your job and my office job. 476 00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,534 And there’s no shame in choosing the office. 477 00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:23,078 Hmm. Can we still say that I beat you? 478 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,872 Technically this shaft beat me. 479 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:26,707 -[cocks] -Phrasing. 480 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:27,791 You win! 481 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,712 Good. Which means I’m officially the world’s best-- 482 00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:33,046 -[gunshot] -Ow! 483 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,715 But not for long. 484 00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:37,050 Last words before I kill you both? 485 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:40,345 Both? But he beat me! Making me the world’s best spy. 486 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:43,056 Field spy. I’m the top office spy. 487 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,558 Sure. I don’t care about that. 488 00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:46,643 Killing you both seems easiest. 489 00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,437 Too bad I’m wearing a bulletproof vest. 490 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,981 Too bad I removed all the armor plating. 491 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:54,026 -Oh, damn. That is too bad. -[cocks] 492 00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,903 Wait. Just one question. 493 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:57,988 Why use me to get to Cyril? 494 00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:00,407 Why? Because you’re best friends. 495 00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:01,533 What? Aw. 496 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:02,993 I can’t stand this guy! 497 00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:04,620 You spend hours a day with him. 498 00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,455 True. We work together. 499 00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,207 You talk about him more than anyone else. 500 00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:11,126 -[gasps] Really? -To criticize how stupid he is. 501 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,338 Oh, please. He was the first person you told about your new office. 502 00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:16,590 Wow, you told me first? To spite you. 503 00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:18,300 We are best friends! 504 00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:22,137 Maybe I’m your best friend. You’re my worst stranger. 505 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,639 It’s a classic odd couple fight. 506 00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:26,391 It’s one thing to say I’m not the world’s best spy. 507 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,560 But saying I’m Cyril’s best friend 508 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:31,063 is an insult that will not stand. 509 00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:32,314 That’s a bit hurtful. 510 00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:34,733 You realize you’ve brought a cane to a gunfight? 511 00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:39,404 I realize shooting an unarmed guy would make you a huge loser. 512 00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:40,489 Touché. 513 00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:43,825 [both] Cool. 514 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,410 Stop it. We’re not friends. 515 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:48,580 If you can kill me, then you can kill Cyril. 516 00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,832 What? Wait, he doesn’t have that power. 517 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,084 Very good, sir. 518 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,294 You made me believe I could love a valet again, 519 00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:56,505 and then, besmirched Woodhouse’s memory. 520 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:59,091 You besmirched! It was a job, sir. 521 00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:01,677 Not to me! Not my concern. 522 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,096 [groans] 523 00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:08,934 Well, you guys seem busy, and I’ve got paperwork, so... 524 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:11,937 It can wait! I’m sorry, sir. 525 00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:15,399 Perhaps you should’ve kept up with those rehabilitation exercises. 526 00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:17,776 Oh, but I did. [grunts] 527 00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:21,863 -[grunts] -[sword plunges] 528 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:24,074 Well driven, sir. 529 00:21:24,157 --> 00:21:26,618 Goddamn it. It didn’t have to be this way. 530 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:30,455 It did. But it wasn’t just a job for me. 531 00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:34,042 It was... a pleasure. 532 00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,670 We’ll always have my reorganized closet. 533 00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:41,133 Yes. And if you’d like, I can recommend another... 534 00:21:41,216 --> 00:21:43,677 [groans] ...valet. 535 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,764 Shh. No. I’m done with valets. 536 00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:50,934 [crying] Because no one will ever top you. 537 00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:54,021 And that Steak Aleister, it-- it wasn’t just adequate. 538 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,940 [sobs] It was goddamn perfect. 539 00:21:58,233 --> 00:21:59,693 Goodbye, Aleister. 540 00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:01,403 [grunts] 541 00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:05,741 [crying] You-- You taught... 542 00:22:05,824 --> 00:22:08,118 You taught me to love again! 543 00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:12,831 Where the hell is everybody? 544 00:22:12,914 --> 00:22:15,208 [Pam] Holy crap. 545 00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:17,711 -[tropical music playing] -Can we just live here? 546 00:22:17,794 --> 00:22:20,005 Yeah! What’s their extradition policy? 547 00:22:20,088 --> 00:22:23,008 Yeah, it’s pretty, but a burger costs a million dollars. 548 00:22:23,091 --> 00:22:24,718 I’ll take four. Oh, shut up. 549 00:22:24,801 --> 00:22:27,512 And I’ll take the big bedroom. [gasps] 550 00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:29,473 Oh, I’m sorry. 551 00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:33,143 The big bedroom is already taken.